Being a Stay at Home Mom is Dangerous...

Penny and I pretty much have a schedule. She keeps me on my toes and changes it up, but not much. We get up to eat at 5,6, or 7 am and go back to bed. Sometimes in my bed. With pillows all around us. She pushes herself right up against me and goes to sleep very fast. It is very cute. A picture wouldn't be cute because I look like hell, but the idea of it is cute :) We get up and move to the living room around 9 or 10, but only after a diaper change, crib time so mommy can potty, opening the blinds, heating up a bottle, dog treats handed out and mommy's pills, caffeine and food that can be eaten with one hand gathered. THEN we sit in the living room. There is nothing ever on TV so it's hit or miss on what we will watch. If it's earlier, we watch Kelly and Michael... Michael cracks me up and Kelly is just so cute and feisty. Later, who knows? I like History Channel but it plays stuff all day that isn't very history-like to me.

During this time in the living room, Penny and I discuss politics, Hollywood and neighborhood gossip. Sadly, we are uneducated in any of those subjects and usually end up discussing how much Penny poots and we laugh at each other. We enjoy our ability to being oblivious to the outside world! Now, Penny has iffy days where she prefers to lay on my chest and work her head during these conversations. Other days she just worms and wriggles until she is laying haphazardly on my lap, precariously hanging her head over the part of the blanket that is hanging loosely. She's a month old now... She's gotta learn, right?

I have been trying to get Penny used to her crib. I don't plan on having her sleep nights there for another month or two, but I want her to know that it's her room and to not be scared. So around lunch time I put her in her crib, turn on her fishy tank/music maker thing and lay her down. She will lay there for a bit, but after about 15 minutes, she's bored or hungry and cries. Naturally, I am watching her do all of this from the baby monitor video. It's very entertaining. I have also managed to soak bottles, make the bed, and do some laundry while she entertains herself (not always, but I AM distracted by the baby show on the monitor, HELLO!?).

We eat lunch and since she has only cat napped 5-10 minutes here and there, Penny usually gets cranky. Last week I tried to get her to nap in her crib and it was a no go... until Thursday... She slept in the Boppy, in the crib. Big no-no, according to the Boppy warning label, but of course I was watching her the whole time on the nifty monitor! She did good and didn't freak out when she woke up, like I expected! This week, I decided I was gonna move her in there without the Boppy. Success yesterday, except I had her on her belly, which is how she sleeps best, but it highly frowned upon in the medical community due to SIDS. But, the monitor, blah blah blah. She did good! Slept 3 hours! I actually woke her up lightly, but only after talking normally and vacuuming in the room to no avail. You should never wake a sleeping baby... unless she has slept 3 hours and hasn't had a diaper change in 5 hours. She did good then too! And I got a lot of cleaning done! Today she slept for 10 minutes on her back before she woke up crying.... not so successful today going by the "rules".

By then Josh is home and he takes her for a bit. She gets a bottle, diaper change, and so on. She usually takes another small nap in her Boppy with me on the couch and we wait for dinner time (and hope that Josh will want to cook or suggest eating out). Josh knows my thoughts though and has learned to wait me out until I'm hungry and HAVE to cook. Penny usually sleeps through the time Josh is watching her. She waits to wake up again for a bottle right when I'm comfortable and about to eat my food. Then she screams for a bottle, with real big, huge tears, making Josh and I feel very bad. Josh makes a bottle while I soothe Penny. Bottle is done but Penny has usually fallen asleep or doesn't want it. After a bit, she'll take it but only after she's made it difficult for me to eat my dinner. And to think, this part will only get more and more difficult as she ages! Ha!

Bedtime is good. She eats and falls asleep (talking the whole time). I lay her in the bassinet and she sleeps until she's hungry again, about 3 hours. And then we repeat. Every other day there is bath time. And sometimes we go for a walk. And sometimes I actually have plans and get to be social. Not often, but sometimes!

Getting back to my title though. Being a stay at home mom is dangerous. I keep seeing commercials for stuff I may need. Like, a Shark Steamer. Flex Seal. Catch Caddy.Odor Assassin. Tummy Tuck. You get my gist. Makes me wanna go shopping. And that is dangerous for a stay at home mom. :)

Penny is a good baby. I really can't complain about her at all. My sleep schedule is different and spotty at times, but I get enough to still be considered healthy. She wakes up, eats, and then goes right back to sleep. So I'm up every 3 hours for 30 minutes. Since I am not going back to work, I have the chance to sleep when she does, and sometimes I do! I haven't had a cold meal yet, but I expect that will happen as she gets more mobile. My house is relatively clean. Granted, I had my girl Brandi coming and cleaning my house 3 weeks in a row thanks to my mom. But I have kept it clean since Brandi did her thorough cleaning. And yes, my laundry baskets overfloweth. Keeps me busy between naps.

I think the hardest part of being a mommy so far is figuring out what cries mean what. She doesn't cry much so when she does, it is a little tough figuring out what her deal is. I go through the list: food, diaper, sick. It usually stops at food. She eats like she's never going to eat again. She wakes up crying and sucking her hands in pure hunger. I know she's not hungry. Gassy? Yes. The girl can wake the neighbors with the farts she blows. But hungry? There's no way. She's like an alarm clock with feedings. Every 3 hours, she's up to eat. Just like the dogs. I am getting used to her cries though. Haven't totally freaked out during her whiny moments.

I got this mommy thing down so far. Or until she can talk and walk. She already talks while she's awake, eating and sleeping.She can almost roll over by herself. She is a champ at holding her head up. She moves around now by the pure velocity of her farts. I swear she can fly. When she gets to a crawling stage, I am going to have to put a leash on her; she might float away when outside if I don't. She'll have a head start and one fart will propel her upwards. That worries me. How do you explain that to your hubby?

Three things that no one ever told me about having a baby...

When I announced I was pregnant, so many people had advice for me. And most of it I was aware of because almost everyone I knew had kids. Oh, and because I am very observant. :) Some of the advice actually annoyed me because it seemed so obvious! I was going to have morning sickness (which is "not only in the morning", said everyone and their mother). I was going to lose sleep (one of the biggest downfalls of being a mommy). I shouldn't laugh at people who sneeze and tinkle in their panties because I would be doing that sooooon (say that "soon" in a sing-song voice... makes it sound better). Oh, and the best one was, "Don't do it. I'll give you mine." Uh, no thanks.

Penny is one month old today. I am exhausted but she is a very good baby. A little needy for my taste, but she's a baby so she's forgiven. And she's cute, so there's that too! Out of all the advice and information I got out of everyone (and yes, their moms), I had to discover 3 things on my own. In just the first month. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Everywhere you go, you smell baby poop and formula. Even when the baby is not with you. And you have showered. And you haven't changed a diaper since showering or fed her. That smell is there. I think it is stuck in my kitchen sink too. And I rinse out the bottles when she is done. The smell follows me. Penelope smells great! Everything else smells like poop and formula. It is so weird and no one told me!

2. No one told me NOT to open and wash all the bottles I got at baby showers. In fact, I think I was advised to clean them all and have them ready when Penny got home. I got 4 different kinds (totally my intention...), washed them and organized them for our baby's homecoming! She only liked the bottles with little nipples! Which is funny because my nipples... yeah, nevermind my nipples. I'll just say good thing I couldn't breast feed, ha! Anyway, almost every bottle I had had these huge nipples and awesome fat bottles with some sir reduction crap, blah blah blah. No, Penny had to have the bottles that I only had 3. They are good bottles. Dr. Brown with the little tube straw thing that helps with gas and colic, yada yada yada. But I only had 3 for feeding every 2-3 hours! The other 24 bottles? She didn't like them. And I can't return them. Maybe I can use them later. Or maybe I'll use them when I get older and have no teeth. We'll see.

3. No one told me babies can fart harder than adults. I can hear Penelope fart from across the house. I'm serious. Her daddy even shakes his head in amazement at our little farting angel. It is like having 2 grown adults farting in this house. My windows shake more now than when we lived near Ft. Bragg. The dogs run outside barking thinking that there is a storm coming. I have seen Penny levitate above her Boppy pillow. I'm not lying. It's a good thing she is so cute. And, farts are funny. :)

That's it for today. I am sure there are other things I wasn't told, but, like I was advised by all mothers out there (and their mothers), my memory is bad and I can't remember. 

Amy & Penny out.