I know, I know... Welcome to Mommyhood!!!

Haven't been on here much because I tend to stay busy with Penny or enjoying my downtime. Some people may consider writing a fun downtime activity... I am not one of those people! :)

Today had an exciting adventure to share so I thought I would type this (one handed) while Penny sleeps on me (because sleeping in her crib during the day is a no go apparently...). I am pretty sure she is not feeling well. She woke up early this morning and woke up crying, both being very rare for her. She cheered up though and I went to the doctor while my neighbor watched the princess. No issues reported at pick up. Went home and we napped on my bed for about an hour. My head on top of my pillow; Penny's under a pillow (weirdo). She woke up in a good mood while I was talking to MY mommy on the phone. Giggled and laughed when I did speakerphone, all the time trying to grab the phone from my hand.

She ate lunch okay. I fed her before changing her since she didn't have much in there. She tore up the peanut butter spoon, played with the soggy carrots (can't blame her), and threw puffs on the floor to the dogs (only because they stick to her hand and she thinks it's funny). While she played, er, I mean ate, I decided I wanted a broccoli cheese baked potato. I put the potato in the microwave and broccoli in a bowl ready to heat up. Penny got real upset then, so I left my stuff and got her out of her chair to change her diaper that I watched her make all kinds of faces to make for me. The faster I moved, the closer to my delicious potato lunch! What? Penny likes it too!

Anyway, sparing the details, the diaper was gross but usual. Penny has a bad diaper rash (which flares up when her teeth are really bothering her... crazy, huh?) so I applied her cream (Boudreaux's Butt Paste y'all!) and then decided I would let her air out a bit on some old rags I have handy. Then I returned to my awesome potato making.

My mouth was watering because I had an early breakfast and I don't play when it comes to FOOD, son. The potato was nice and hot. I cut it open and inhaled the steam... Mmmmm... I like to butter my potato, then add the shredded cheese. It melts the cheese better and doesn't taste gross like that velveeta nastiness. Then I add my hot broccoli and a few dollops of sour cream (Yes, to all who know me, only a few dollops!). It was so pretty!! And smelled so good. Then there was a yell from the living room. My heart dropped. Not because something was wrong with Penny... It wasn't that kind of yell. My heart dropped because my potato was ready!

Penny was yelling from the living room. She wasn't crying, just yelling, which she tends to do. I just went in to see what was up and she seemed fine. Then I got around the chair and saw the full picture... Penny was sitting in a huge pile of diarrhea... with a little log sitting next to it. I jump into action and scoop up Penny and run her into the kitchen, because it has a hose that I could use to rinse off the poop remnants (that's what quick thinking is folks!). Of course, there were dishes in there. Because I decided to put it off until after my potato. But not just a few dishes... lots of dishes. A high chair tray, bib, little containers, bottles, spoons, forks, knives, etc. So I am dangling Penny, who is crying, but not too bad, and clean out the sink as much as I can so I could set her in there. As soon as I set her down in the sink, she starts really crying. I turn for a towel and see Moose slurping his man area like it had peanut butter on it and yell at him to stop. This sends Penny into hysterics. Big, juicy tears with hiccup cries! It was pitiful! So I am trying to comfort her and rinse off poop at the same time, but she is clawing and struggling to just get to me. I grab a dishtowel and wrap her up and we go to her changing table/ When I place her down, she is uncontrollable crying. Nothing calming her. I tried soothing voice, stroking her head... No results. Best thing to do was to bare through it and get her diapered and clothed. I pick her up and soothe her. Then I think about my potato, and how I will have to share it with Penny now since she won't let me set her down.

On my walk to the kitchen, I walked into the living room and smell what was left behind by my sweet princess.No potato smell at all. Pure baby poop smell. And then I look down at the poop. And almost threw up. Coco, my shyest, least likely to steal food dog, is eating the diarrhea. The little log was gone. I yelled, "Coco, no!" and Coco just looked at me like I was crazy and FINISHED LICKING THE DIARRHEA!!! I chased her out, Penny has begun her hysterics again and the other dogs are scrambling to get out of my way as I trip on each of them.

After settling my angel down, AGAIN, I was able to put her down to watch Mickey Mouse while I ran laundry water and cleaned out the sink. Then I remembered. My potato. That beautiful potato. Sitting on the counter. I turned to look at it and sighed. It was cold and plastic looking now. No more steam. My heart sank.

I ate it anyway. I had to share it, too. Worst 15 minutes of mommyhood SO FAR.

You're welcome.

The New Year

'Tis the New Year! Penny is almost 5 months old! What a great baby she is! She pretty much sleeps through the night. She only cries when she is hungry... I mean, she yells and shouts when she is annoyed or angry, but doesn't cry. She's pretty good with other people holding her besides me and Josh. We can leave her and know that whoever has her will be okay because Penny will behave...

I need to start working on my patience as a mommy this new year. Not with Penny. I am patient with her. I mean patience with friends and family who are just trying to help. If I refer to something you may have said on my Facebook or to me in person or message, please don't be offended. Because, quite frankly, you aren't the only person who said it! Yes, I hear all kinds of "advice" and "warnings" whenever I say or post anything. I know that they are merely stated because I don't have any children to reference and Josh and I are new to this parenting thing. But sometimes I just get so aggravated reading it, thinking that the people doling out the advice must think we are simply stupid in raising our child. I realize that is not the case. I realize it is friends and family trying to help. But it still gets me. I need to learn to not take it as an attack against my parenting skills. 

For instance, and I did this myself BEFORE I even got pregnant! The co-sleeping thing. We don't do it. Penny sleeps in her bed. She may lay with me if I am not ready to get up yet and we may fall asleep, but it is not a regular thing and I wouldn't call it "sleep" because I worry I am going to crush her. I used to tell my friends that sleeping with your baby in the bed is just crazy! You are asking for a constant sleeping partner besides your husband... who should ALWAYS be your sleeping partner. Your relationship with your husband should be more important because (hopefully) he will be there after/if your kid moves out! But I get it... the people who do it... I get it. There is nothing sweeter than watching my little girl scoot herself closer to me when we are laying together. But no, we don't sleep together and thank you for the advice on why we should/shouldn't. 

The hot tub. My God, the hot tub. Do people REALLY think I would put my baby in a hot tub at full temperature? I don't even do that! But, when I think about it, I shouldn't be so quick to snap at them. Some people may not even think about that and actually DO put their baby in a boiling hot tub of water! We see the news all the time and see what people do to their kids, on accident and on purpose! So, now I get it. People are stupid and do stupid things with their kids. I promise, we don't. If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting my other half, Josh, I will tell you this: Josh don't play. He researches EVERYTHING. He is cautious and vocal about all he has found, using doctor advice and information from credible sources. When I suggested the hot tub thing to him due to a friend of mine putting her kids in at an early age, he went straight to research. He researches sounds Penny makes. He researches information obtained from other friends who have had kids, such as using Vicks for congestion. I promise, if we are doing anything with our baby, Josh has looked into the pros and cons. 

While there are so many things for me to take to arms, those 2 were pretty soft. I mean, I got irritated, but nothing too bad. Just mentioned it and that was it. And there were others that annoyed me but I got over them. I need to do better at not letting them get to me. But then Penny got sick. And people thought it was a good thing to tell me to check in with Penny's doctor. REALLY? Do you really think I wouldn't check into that already? With all the flu deaths and illnesses in kids? I am a first time parent (even though I count myself at helping with Taylor as a baby) and everything she does I email the doctor about! They KNOW me at the doctor's office because of my own hypochondriac ways... now I have a baby! Not only a baby, but a baby that I have wanted for 12 years! A baby we had to pay to help us create! A baby that I have dreamed of! The sweetest, most treasured, miracle baby that we created! Took us 8 years to even make her!! OF COURSE I have checked with her doctor! The first sniffle and I was on the phone! Did we take her in? No. She had no symptoms to worry about. This whole cold she has been all smiles. She gets cranky but just sleeps it off, as most of us do with a cold. No fever. She eats fine. The doctor has been kept in the loop. And even she doesn't think we need to bring her in, unless it would make US feel better. Why does this advice bother me so much? I mean, it's harmless. It's not said to be mean. But to me? I take it as judging my parenting skills. And I take it inside and it burns. And then I tell myself not to post anymore. Don't share anything about it anymore. Don't give any details. How dumb is that?

Which leads me back to my original statement:  I need to start working on my patience as a mommy this new year. No one is judging me. And if they are, I shouldn't care because this is me and Josh's baby and we are doing what WE know is right. 

On that note, thank you all for your advice and help. If I haven't said that before, I am saying it now. It HAS helped me. It has made me realize that I have so many people who care for us. All of you who even respond to our posts, letters and conversations show you care. The fact that you took the time to respond and offer advice is amazing and we are truly blesses to have you in our lives. I am sorry if I was ever short with any of your posts or thoughts. It came from a person who felt they were being judged and not loved and cared for. Thank you.

And now, I am off to go do some homemaker stuff while my precious gift sleeps on her daddy. What a wonderful year this is going to be!

Fart Wars

I have to tell you, our house stinks. We have 4 dogs and that should be enough to make our house casa no grata. But no. There is a war going on. Josh is trying to prove he is still the man of the house and Penny is trying to make her place here at the Stewart Inn. Me? I am lucky to even have a bowel movement these days. We are the three bears of farting. I feel sorry for Goldilocks. And the dogs.

Josh is a master farter. He can even absorb smells around him and fart them out later, smelling exactly the same. Never seems to be good smells though :(. He's working on apple pie and clean laundry smells though. He also has longevity and depth. If you are in the room when he farts, he will look at you for confirmation that you heard it. And if you don't have a reaction, I really think it ruins his mood. While he is loud and proud and a bit stinky, it's usually bearable.

I don't fart as much as Josh. Even before the baby, I didn't fart as much. After the baby? I don't fart much but when I do, it is a joyous event! I have no skills. I can be loud or soft, just depending on the day and my diet that day. When I do finally let go... let's just say I can clear a room. I am pretty smelly. Maybe it is because of my vegetable intake.... I don't know. But it is not bearable, even for me.

Penny. Now Penny is new at this, but ever since we brought her home she has been practicing her farting abilities. She surpassed me in smell. She has surpassed Josh in volume. She wakes up in the morning and plays the trumpet. She giggles and farts. She is so impressive that people holding her think that she is making a poopy diaper... No. She has just farted on you. People will tell me, "No way! She just pooped! I know it! I felt it hit the diaper! And the smell is strong so she had to have pooped!" Nope. She just farted on you. I've even had people change her diaper just to prove it. The child is a master. I gave birth to a gas master.

This is a daily occurrence. Our house is loud and stinky. And while Josh and I do our share to contribute to what I can only assume is a toxic zone, Penny has made our home levitate with fumes. Her future as a teenager with this talent has left me thinking... Should I really be as proud of her as much as I am??? Yeah, she's going to be one of THOSE girls, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

How Penny Came to Be... (the long version)

I have been asked several times what my situation was as to why I couldn't have a kid for a long time. So, I have decided to share the story. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about it... it just takes forever to explain and many people know it already so I don't want to repeat myself! :)

During my marriage to Bryan, after he was injured, we found out he wasn't producing any sperm. Or, I guess you could say he was shooting blanks. Which was understandable because of all of his ailments that happened after all his surgeries and his diabetes not being under control. It was a big blow, but honestly, I don't remember being too upset about it because I was too concerned about him. Looking back, I am glad we didn't have a child, only because I don't know how I would have handled that after Bryan passed away so suddenly. I didn't take it well all by myself, who knows what a child being there would have done to me.

After Bryan passed, I thought I might have a chance, if I could find my next love. Problem was, I didn't want to find another love... But then God worked his magic and led me to be with Josh. We started dating in 2005. I think... that's a whole other long story! Ha! After a couple years together, we talked about marriage and a family. We tried and tried and nothing would happen. We got the usual, "It will happen when you least expect it" speeches. Frustration set in. Extreme frustration.

I went to the OBGYN and was poked in the belly and told that *pointing to my belly* was the reason I wasn't pregnant. I had PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is a hormonal condition that can cause fertility issues, among other infuriating things. Here's a link for more info on that topic : http://www.webmd.com/women/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview

My doctor also threw out that I would get diabetes for sure. He was a gem of a doctor, obviously. No sympathy there. He ran me through a bunch of tests, blood work, and ultrasounds for fertility. Josh had some tests too. Come to find out, I had issues producing eggs normally and Josh had "abnormal" sperm and not the quantity that would be hopeful. He said we could do intrauterine insemination (which is injecting a semen sample of Josh's that has been "cleaned" and inserting it into me to find my egg(s), but the probability of it working was not good and was a waste of money. Of course we would keep taking the fertility meds and that MAY help, but he doubted it. He said the best option for our situation was to do invitro but that our odds were not good. I don't remember the exact numbers he felt would fit our situation, but he basically told us it would be impossible. We were heart broken. I took it pretty hard because I always thought I would have a baby earlier than my 30's... and now it looked like it wouldn't happen at all. I felt like a failure.

A few years later, we were in our new house and life was pretty good... but something was missing. So we decided to try on our own. And I had a new doctor, who actually confirmed the PCOS thing but in a much nicer way. I had a headache for over a year and being on birth control was part of the treatment... something to do with possibly helping my hormones that may be causing the headaches. Naturally, nothing happened then. We tried again for a while, to no avail. I was pretty upset. I told myself and Josh that I gave up. I was just going to stop hoping... Josh talked me through it and we both decided we would keep trying until the summer of 2015. After that, we would just accept that we weren't meant to be parents.

After a mental breakdown, requiring a therapist and a spiritual friend mending some issues in my brain, God gave us the opportunity to get in vitro! It was so exciting! We made an appointment with my OBGYN to see if she thought it would be a waste of money. She looked over our records and really encouraged us to do it if we could afford it. We asked questions about my age and about my medicines. I was already a diabetic at the  time so that was a worry as well. I had seen "Steel Magnolias" too many times and worried about having a baby and not being able to bond with him/her. Plus, since I have psychological issues, I was worried about how that medication would affect the baby since I knew I would be unable to stop the medication for 9 months. She gave us a referral to Carolina Conception and wished us luck.

We made an appointment with Carolina Conception and met with Dr. Meyers. He seemed so nonchalant and confident about the whole thing. He agreed that if we could afford it, In Vitro would be a much better chance at conceiving than Intrauterine Insemination. He told me what vitamins and supplements I should be taking, gave us prescriptions for some different meds he wanted us on, and sent us to the financial department to talk money. We spoke with a lady named Kelly who helped us pick a package that included a ton of stuff, but most importantly, gave you another cycle of in vitro if the first round didn't conceive. And it was just a little bit more than just doing one cycle! We signed the line and made appointments to get things started.

We hit a hiccup in prep after starting the whole process... I had fibroids in my uterus that had to be removed before anything could happen. Actually, Dr. Couchman, another of Carolina Conceptions doctors, wasn't sure if they were fibroids. She stated that not removing whatever it was could mess with the eggs and implanting. She was able to get us in for surgery by that Monday and it was only Friday! We were relieved because she could get us in so quickly but also disappointed because we wanted to get things rolling as soon as possible. The surgery was through the vagina but I was knocked out and don't remember a thing. And after being cleaned out, Dr. Coachman felt we were ready to roll after healing. We could barely wait!!! 

I had to inject medications and take more vitamins. Josh took a pill. I gave a TON of blood. When the time came for my body to make some eggs, I went in every other day to see if I made enough eggs. I did not :( I was told in order to have a successful fertilization, they needed at LEAST 6 eggs. Good eggs. I had 3. And time was out on making any more. I was devastated. Even with meds I wasn't making enough eggs for in vitro to work! But, Dr. Parks, my doctor that day, stated that I had 2 options. I could: 1) Wait until next cycle and try again, but that would waste these eggs and I would have to buy more expensive meds and do more injections and hope to get more than what I got that time 2) I could do Intrauterine Insemination with these 3 eggs, Josh's cleaned and increased sperm and hope for a result (possibly even multiples!) and not waste the meds and eggs I had at this moment and possibly get a refund due to the procedure being less expensive. Well, with all the negative comments my first doctor had shared with us regarding IUI, I was in tears. Dr. Parks was awesome though! He looked at our charts and said he didn't agree with my original doctor at all. Josh's count was up and I had 3 good eggs. What could it hurt to at least try? So, after a talk with Josh, we decided to do IUI.

The day after Thanksgiving 2013, we went in to do the IUI. Josh went in first and gave his specimen. And hour later, we were in a room waiting on the nurse. There was a picture on the wall of a baby with his mouth open straight ahead of me... It was in a funny place since it could see right up my gown! Made me laugh and I had to send the pic out to people who knew what we were doing! When the nurse came in, she had a syringe with Josh's lil army and we were a go! He had a GREAT count! I got in position (like you do for a pap smear) and started praying to myself. A tube was inserted past my cervix. The nurse (Tammy) asked if Josh wanted to push the syringe plunger into the tube. He said no; he was afraid he would mess it up somehow, LOL. It took like 10 seconds. Then I got dressed and we left! Easy Peasy! The rest was up to God!

We were told to take a pregnancy test exactly 2 weeks later. If it was positive, I needed to come in and do blood work. If it was negative, I needed to check again every couple days. We were so nervous. I took a test the day BEFORE I was supposed to. It was negative, I think. I put it down and got really sad. 30 minutes later I went back in and it had a SUPER faint line for positive. I got a little excited. But the real test was the next day. Between then, Josh reread the instructions... After 10 minutes, the test can give you a false positive. So exactly 2 days later, I woke up and peed on that stick again. We waited 3 minutes and got a very faint line. It was so faint, I felt like it wasn't there. But Josh saw it! So we called the office and got an appointment for blood work. They called me back in a few hours with positive results! I was pregnant! We were gonna have a baby! On the first try!! With IUI, the way we were told so many years ago that wouldn't work for our situation! I had to keep doing blood every 2-3 days to make sure the hormone kept increasing, proving that I was in fact pregnant. It was magical. Granted, I couldn't feel her yet (Not until the end of the 2nd trimester did I feel her), but she was growing! I cannot tell you the joy Josh and I felt! Our dreams and prayers were coming true! It was awesome and I was thanking God, and thanking the doctors for not giving up on us!!! All 3 doctors and the staff at Carolina Conceptions were amazing. They were so helpful in all areas.

And that is where our little miracle came from. She is the blessing from God we have wanted for so long and YES she will be spoiled. She already is. I don't want to miss anything. I was able to quit my job so that I can watch her grow. Our little miracle growing before my eyes. It's going to be tough, but so worth it!! :) She is EXACTLY what we asked for!!!

Being a Stay at Home Mom is Dangerous...

Penny and I pretty much have a schedule. She keeps me on my toes and changes it up, but not much. We get up to eat at 5,6, or 7 am and go back to bed. Sometimes in my bed. With pillows all around us. She pushes herself right up against me and goes to sleep very fast. It is very cute. A picture wouldn't be cute because I look like hell, but the idea of it is cute :) We get up and move to the living room around 9 or 10, but only after a diaper change, crib time so mommy can potty, opening the blinds, heating up a bottle, dog treats handed out and mommy's pills, caffeine and food that can be eaten with one hand gathered. THEN we sit in the living room. There is nothing ever on TV so it's hit or miss on what we will watch. If it's earlier, we watch Kelly and Michael... Michael cracks me up and Kelly is just so cute and feisty. Later, who knows? I like History Channel but it plays stuff all day that isn't very history-like to me.

During this time in the living room, Penny and I discuss politics, Hollywood and neighborhood gossip. Sadly, we are uneducated in any of those subjects and usually end up discussing how much Penny poots and we laugh at each other. We enjoy our ability to being oblivious to the outside world! Now, Penny has iffy days where she prefers to lay on my chest and work her head during these conversations. Other days she just worms and wriggles until she is laying haphazardly on my lap, precariously hanging her head over the part of the blanket that is hanging loosely. She's a month old now... She's gotta learn, right?

I have been trying to get Penny used to her crib. I don't plan on having her sleep nights there for another month or two, but I want her to know that it's her room and to not be scared. So around lunch time I put her in her crib, turn on her fishy tank/music maker thing and lay her down. She will lay there for a bit, but after about 15 minutes, she's bored or hungry and cries. Naturally, I am watching her do all of this from the baby monitor video. It's very entertaining. I have also managed to soak bottles, make the bed, and do some laundry while she entertains herself (not always, but I AM distracted by the baby show on the monitor, HELLO!?).

We eat lunch and since she has only cat napped 5-10 minutes here and there, Penny usually gets cranky. Last week I tried to get her to nap in her crib and it was a no go... until Thursday... She slept in the Boppy, in the crib. Big no-no, according to the Boppy warning label, but of course I was watching her the whole time on the nifty monitor! She did good and didn't freak out when she woke up, like I expected! This week, I decided I was gonna move her in there without the Boppy. Success yesterday, except I had her on her belly, which is how she sleeps best, but it highly frowned upon in the medical community due to SIDS. But, the monitor, blah blah blah. She did good! Slept 3 hours! I actually woke her up lightly, but only after talking normally and vacuuming in the room to no avail. You should never wake a sleeping baby... unless she has slept 3 hours and hasn't had a diaper change in 5 hours. She did good then too! And I got a lot of cleaning done! Today she slept for 10 minutes on her back before she woke up crying.... not so successful today going by the "rules".

By then Josh is home and he takes her for a bit. She gets a bottle, diaper change, and so on. She usually takes another small nap in her Boppy with me on the couch and we wait for dinner time (and hope that Josh will want to cook or suggest eating out). Josh knows my thoughts though and has learned to wait me out until I'm hungry and HAVE to cook. Penny usually sleeps through the time Josh is watching her. She waits to wake up again for a bottle right when I'm comfortable and about to eat my food. Then she screams for a bottle, with real big, huge tears, making Josh and I feel very bad. Josh makes a bottle while I soothe Penny. Bottle is done but Penny has usually fallen asleep or doesn't want it. After a bit, she'll take it but only after she's made it difficult for me to eat my dinner. And to think, this part will only get more and more difficult as she ages! Ha!

Bedtime is good. She eats and falls asleep (talking the whole time). I lay her in the bassinet and she sleeps until she's hungry again, about 3 hours. And then we repeat. Every other day there is bath time. And sometimes we go for a walk. And sometimes I actually have plans and get to be social. Not often, but sometimes!

Getting back to my title though. Being a stay at home mom is dangerous. I keep seeing commercials for stuff I may need. Like, a Shark Steamer. Flex Seal. Catch Caddy.Odor Assassin. Tummy Tuck. You get my gist. Makes me wanna go shopping. And that is dangerous for a stay at home mom. :)

Penny is a good baby. I really can't complain about her at all. My sleep schedule is different and spotty at times, but I get enough to still be considered healthy. She wakes up, eats, and then goes right back to sleep. So I'm up every 3 hours for 30 minutes. Since I am not going back to work, I have the chance to sleep when she does, and sometimes I do! I haven't had a cold meal yet, but I expect that will happen as she gets more mobile. My house is relatively clean. Granted, I had my girl Brandi coming and cleaning my house 3 weeks in a row thanks to my mom. But I have kept it clean since Brandi did her thorough cleaning. And yes, my laundry baskets overfloweth. Keeps me busy between naps.

I think the hardest part of being a mommy so far is figuring out what cries mean what. She doesn't cry much so when she does, it is a little tough figuring out what her deal is. I go through the list: food, diaper, sick. It usually stops at food. She eats like she's never going to eat again. She wakes up crying and sucking her hands in pure hunger. I know she's not hungry. Gassy? Yes. The girl can wake the neighbors with the farts she blows. But hungry? There's no way. She's like an alarm clock with feedings. Every 3 hours, she's up to eat. Just like the dogs. I am getting used to her cries though. Haven't totally freaked out during her whiny moments.

I got this mommy thing down so far. Or until she can talk and walk. She already talks while she's awake, eating and sleeping.She can almost roll over by herself. She is a champ at holding her head up. She moves around now by the pure velocity of her farts. I swear she can fly. When she gets to a crawling stage, I am going to have to put a leash on her; she might float away when outside if I don't. She'll have a head start and one fart will propel her upwards. That worries me. How do you explain that to your hubby?

Three things that no one ever told me about having a baby...

When I announced I was pregnant, so many people had advice for me. And most of it I was aware of because almost everyone I knew had kids. Oh, and because I am very observant. :) Some of the advice actually annoyed me because it seemed so obvious! I was going to have morning sickness (which is "not only in the morning", said everyone and their mother). I was going to lose sleep (one of the biggest downfalls of being a mommy). I shouldn't laugh at people who sneeze and tinkle in their panties because I would be doing that sooooon (say that "soon" in a sing-song voice... makes it sound better). Oh, and the best one was, "Don't do it. I'll give you mine." Uh, no thanks.

Penny is one month old today. I am exhausted but she is a very good baby. A little needy for my taste, but she's a baby so she's forgiven. And she's cute, so there's that too! Out of all the advice and information I got out of everyone (and yes, their moms), I had to discover 3 things on my own. In just the first month. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Everywhere you go, you smell baby poop and formula. Even when the baby is not with you. And you have showered. And you haven't changed a diaper since showering or fed her. That smell is there. I think it is stuck in my kitchen sink too. And I rinse out the bottles when she is done. The smell follows me. Penelope smells great! Everything else smells like poop and formula. It is so weird and no one told me!

2. No one told me NOT to open and wash all the bottles I got at baby showers. In fact, I think I was advised to clean them all and have them ready when Penny got home. I got 4 different kinds (totally my intention...), washed them and organized them for our baby's homecoming! She only liked the bottles with little nipples! Which is funny because my nipples... yeah, nevermind my nipples. I'll just say good thing I couldn't breast feed, ha! Anyway, almost every bottle I had had these huge nipples and awesome fat bottles with some sir reduction crap, blah blah blah. No, Penny had to have the bottles that I only had 3. They are good bottles. Dr. Brown with the little tube straw thing that helps with gas and colic, yada yada yada. But I only had 3 for feeding every 2-3 hours! The other 24 bottles? She didn't like them. And I can't return them. Maybe I can use them later. Or maybe I'll use them when I get older and have no teeth. We'll see.

3. No one told me babies can fart harder than adults. I can hear Penelope fart from across the house. I'm serious. Her daddy even shakes his head in amazement at our little farting angel. It is like having 2 grown adults farting in this house. My windows shake more now than when we lived near Ft. Bragg. The dogs run outside barking thinking that there is a storm coming. I have seen Penny levitate above her Boppy pillow. I'm not lying. It's a good thing she is so cute. And, farts are funny. :)

That's it for today. I am sure there are other things I wasn't told, but, like I was advised by all mothers out there (and their mothers), my memory is bad and I can't remember. 

Amy & Penny out.