How Penny Came to Be... (the long version)

I have been asked several times what my situation was as to why I couldn't have a kid for a long time. So, I have decided to share the story. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about it... it just takes forever to explain and many people know it already so I don't want to repeat myself! :)

During my marriage to Bryan, after he was injured, we found out he wasn't producing any sperm. Or, I guess you could say he was shooting blanks. Which was understandable because of all of his ailments that happened after all his surgeries and his diabetes not being under control. It was a big blow, but honestly, I don't remember being too upset about it because I was too concerned about him. Looking back, I am glad we didn't have a child, only because I don't know how I would have handled that after Bryan passed away so suddenly. I didn't take it well all by myself, who knows what a child being there would have done to me.

After Bryan passed, I thought I might have a chance, if I could find my next love. Problem was, I didn't want to find another love... But then God worked his magic and led me to be with Josh. We started dating in 2005. I think... that's a whole other long story! Ha! After a couple years together, we talked about marriage and a family. We tried and tried and nothing would happen. We got the usual, "It will happen when you least expect it" speeches. Frustration set in. Extreme frustration.

I went to the OBGYN and was poked in the belly and told that *pointing to my belly* was the reason I wasn't pregnant. I had PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is a hormonal condition that can cause fertility issues, among other infuriating things. Here's a link for more info on that topic : http://www.webmd.com/women/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview

My doctor also threw out that I would get diabetes for sure. He was a gem of a doctor, obviously. No sympathy there. He ran me through a bunch of tests, blood work, and ultrasounds for fertility. Josh had some tests too. Come to find out, I had issues producing eggs normally and Josh had "abnormal" sperm and not the quantity that would be hopeful. He said we could do intrauterine insemination (which is injecting a semen sample of Josh's that has been "cleaned" and inserting it into me to find my egg(s), but the probability of it working was not good and was a waste of money. Of course we would keep taking the fertility meds and that MAY help, but he doubted it. He said the best option for our situation was to do invitro but that our odds were not good. I don't remember the exact numbers he felt would fit our situation, but he basically told us it would be impossible. We were heart broken. I took it pretty hard because I always thought I would have a baby earlier than my 30's... and now it looked like it wouldn't happen at all. I felt like a failure.

A few years later, we were in our new house and life was pretty good... but something was missing. So we decided to try on our own. And I had a new doctor, who actually confirmed the PCOS thing but in a much nicer way. I had a headache for over a year and being on birth control was part of the treatment... something to do with possibly helping my hormones that may be causing the headaches. Naturally, nothing happened then. We tried again for a while, to no avail. I was pretty upset. I told myself and Josh that I gave up. I was just going to stop hoping... Josh talked me through it and we both decided we would keep trying until the summer of 2015. After that, we would just accept that we weren't meant to be parents.

After a mental breakdown, requiring a therapist and a spiritual friend mending some issues in my brain, God gave us the opportunity to get in vitro! It was so exciting! We made an appointment with my OBGYN to see if she thought it would be a waste of money. She looked over our records and really encouraged us to do it if we could afford it. We asked questions about my age and about my medicines. I was already a diabetic at the  time so that was a worry as well. I had seen "Steel Magnolias" too many times and worried about having a baby and not being able to bond with him/her. Plus, since I have psychological issues, I was worried about how that medication would affect the baby since I knew I would be unable to stop the medication for 9 months. She gave us a referral to Carolina Conception and wished us luck.

We made an appointment with Carolina Conception and met with Dr. Meyers. He seemed so nonchalant and confident about the whole thing. He agreed that if we could afford it, In Vitro would be a much better chance at conceiving than Intrauterine Insemination. He told me what vitamins and supplements I should be taking, gave us prescriptions for some different meds he wanted us on, and sent us to the financial department to talk money. We spoke with a lady named Kelly who helped us pick a package that included a ton of stuff, but most importantly, gave you another cycle of in vitro if the first round didn't conceive. And it was just a little bit more than just doing one cycle! We signed the line and made appointments to get things started.

We hit a hiccup in prep after starting the whole process... I had fibroids in my uterus that had to be removed before anything could happen. Actually, Dr. Couchman, another of Carolina Conceptions doctors, wasn't sure if they were fibroids. She stated that not removing whatever it was could mess with the eggs and implanting. She was able to get us in for surgery by that Monday and it was only Friday! We were relieved because she could get us in so quickly but also disappointed because we wanted to get things rolling as soon as possible. The surgery was through the vagina but I was knocked out and don't remember a thing. And after being cleaned out, Dr. Coachman felt we were ready to roll after healing. We could barely wait!!! 

I had to inject medications and take more vitamins. Josh took a pill. I gave a TON of blood. When the time came for my body to make some eggs, I went in every other day to see if I made enough eggs. I did not :( I was told in order to have a successful fertilization, they needed at LEAST 6 eggs. Good eggs. I had 3. And time was out on making any more. I was devastated. Even with meds I wasn't making enough eggs for in vitro to work! But, Dr. Parks, my doctor that day, stated that I had 2 options. I could: 1) Wait until next cycle and try again, but that would waste these eggs and I would have to buy more expensive meds and do more injections and hope to get more than what I got that time 2) I could do Intrauterine Insemination with these 3 eggs, Josh's cleaned and increased sperm and hope for a result (possibly even multiples!) and not waste the meds and eggs I had at this moment and possibly get a refund due to the procedure being less expensive. Well, with all the negative comments my first doctor had shared with us regarding IUI, I was in tears. Dr. Parks was awesome though! He looked at our charts and said he didn't agree with my original doctor at all. Josh's count was up and I had 3 good eggs. What could it hurt to at least try? So, after a talk with Josh, we decided to do IUI.

The day after Thanksgiving 2013, we went in to do the IUI. Josh went in first and gave his specimen. And hour later, we were in a room waiting on the nurse. There was a picture on the wall of a baby with his mouth open straight ahead of me... It was in a funny place since it could see right up my gown! Made me laugh and I had to send the pic out to people who knew what we were doing! When the nurse came in, she had a syringe with Josh's lil army and we were a go! He had a GREAT count! I got in position (like you do for a pap smear) and started praying to myself. A tube was inserted past my cervix. The nurse (Tammy) asked if Josh wanted to push the syringe plunger into the tube. He said no; he was afraid he would mess it up somehow, LOL. It took like 10 seconds. Then I got dressed and we left! Easy Peasy! The rest was up to God!

We were told to take a pregnancy test exactly 2 weeks later. If it was positive, I needed to come in and do blood work. If it was negative, I needed to check again every couple days. We were so nervous. I took a test the day BEFORE I was supposed to. It was negative, I think. I put it down and got really sad. 30 minutes later I went back in and it had a SUPER faint line for positive. I got a little excited. But the real test was the next day. Between then, Josh reread the instructions... After 10 minutes, the test can give you a false positive. So exactly 2 days later, I woke up and peed on that stick again. We waited 3 minutes and got a very faint line. It was so faint, I felt like it wasn't there. But Josh saw it! So we called the office and got an appointment for blood work. They called me back in a few hours with positive results! I was pregnant! We were gonna have a baby! On the first try!! With IUI, the way we were told so many years ago that wouldn't work for our situation! I had to keep doing blood every 2-3 days to make sure the hormone kept increasing, proving that I was in fact pregnant. It was magical. Granted, I couldn't feel her yet (Not until the end of the 2nd trimester did I feel her), but she was growing! I cannot tell you the joy Josh and I felt! Our dreams and prayers were coming true! It was awesome and I was thanking God, and thanking the doctors for not giving up on us!!! All 3 doctors and the staff at Carolina Conceptions were amazing. They were so helpful in all areas.

And that is where our little miracle came from. She is the blessing from God we have wanted for so long and YES she will be spoiled. She already is. I don't want to miss anything. I was able to quit my job so that I can watch her grow. Our little miracle growing before my eyes. It's going to be tough, but so worth it!! :) She is EXACTLY what we asked for!!!